Divorcing? How to Choose the Mediation Style That is Right for You

Mediation helps divorcing and separating couples resolve their issues in ways that work for them, without the court's intervention and often without attorneys. Mediation styles and the mediation process vary from mediator to mediator, but generally fall into two major categories.

Evaluative mediation, also known as settlement-style mediation. In this model, the parties are kept in separate rooms and the mediator shuttles between them carrying messages from one to the other, encouraging each party to compromise to some middle point. Each side approaches mediation with positions on the various issues in their divorce. The mediator evaluates the positions and tells the parties how the court would likely rule on the issues and why they should moderate their position to reach a settlement.

If you are working with attorneys and/or you are interested in a quicker resolution, this model might be a good fit for you. Evaluative mediation is often used when attorneys are active in the case and accompany the parties to mediation. Because attorneys are well schooled in negotiating from positions, they understand and are comfortable with this mediation model and see it as efficient. Couples, however, often feel pressured in this process. They can feel like there is a "winner" and a "loser", causing dissatisfaction with the process or the outcome.

Interest-based mediation. In this style, both parties sit together at the same table with the mediator. For the most part, the parties talk directly to each other, with occasional meetings (called, "caucuses") in a separate room with the mediator. The mediator facilitates communications between them, helping them explore and expand their options. The focus is on the interests of the participants rather than on their positions. The mediator might suggest some solutions other couples have found helpful, but does not steer the agreement one way or the other.

If you are looking for a balanced, win-win approach to your settlement and you don't mind investing a bit more time, this might be the best model for you. Parties who use this style of mediation often feel as though the agreement reached is truly a collaborative effort and is generally beneficial to everyone. Although this process can be slower than evaluative mediation, the parties tend to be more satisfied with the process and the outcome.

These two models are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Although many mediators emphasize one process over the other, in actual practice they combine aspects of both. Mediation is a personal process and requires a good fit between the parties and the mediator. Spend a little time looking for the mediator and style that will work best for you. If you are considering mediation for your divorce or separation, talk to a few mediators and trust your instincts in picking the one that fits best for you.

© 2008, Mary Wollard, J.D., Family Solutions Center, LLC

Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. In addition to helping families through mediation and arbitration, Ms. Wollard provides parenting coordination and decision-making services to families when on-going conflict prevents them from fully implementing their parenting plan after divorce. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition.