Divorce - Your Anger is Hurting You

The anger generated by the separation or divorce process can be so intense and destructive that it makes Hurricane Katrina look like a gentle breeze. The swath of devastation in the path of such anger is hard to fathom and even harder to recover from.

But I'm not talking about the damage to the other person caused by your anger; I'm talking about the damage your anger is causing you.

In divorce proceedings, your anger can lead you to make decisions that actually cost you more. As you're lashing out in anger and trying to make decisions that will hurt your ex, you might not be thinking rationally enough to fully consider how they will affect you.

When you let your anger get the best of you in court, you can come across as combative, rude and unpleasant. You might even antagonize the judge to the point that he or she will decide against you.

In your other relationships, your once strong allies can become wary and less sympathetic, tired of hearing you go on and on about your latest plan to get even with your ex. Your anger may seep out at work, damaging your productivity and reputation and threatening your job security or capacity for promotion.

And on a much more personal level, uncontrollable anger can disrupt your sleep or your appetite, and can even lead to serious health problems and life-threatening heart disease.

I doubt if any of this is what you intended when you allowed your anger with your ex to linger long after the initial impact of the separation or divorce.

If you find that you are having a hard time letting go of your anger towards your ex, it's time to get a handle on it. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, research online or at the library, or talk to your doctor or therapist about the resources that are available to help you deal with your anger.

Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. In addition to helping families through mediation and arbitration, Ms. Wollard provides parenting coordination and decision-making services to families when on-going conflict prevents them from fully implementing their parenting plan after divorce. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition.