5 Levels of Communication

Each one of us communicates with our spouse. We may not communicate the way we should, but we communicate. Take a look at these 5 levels of communication and determine which level you are at.

1. Surface Talk

This is just general talk that we use when talking to acquaintances. You know, talking about the weather and how their day has been. Nothing ground-breaking. Nothing exciting. Just general chit-chat.

2. Sharing Facts

This is a bit more meaningful than surface talk. You talk about your life and experiences you had throughout the day. Maybe you describe your boss or how boring your day was. You don't share personal feelings or thoughts - you just talk about what has been going on in your life.

3. Sharing Opinions/Concerns/Expectations

This is the minimum level of conversation you need with your spouse. But to get to this level, you must trust your spouse and be free from ongoing conflict. If not, you will never reach this level of communication.

At this level, you talk about your goals and your desires. You are free to talk about your opinions because you know that your spouse accepts and values your opinions. Many couples get to this level briefly, but then quickly return to the more comfortable levels of surface talk and sharing facts.

4. Sharing Feelings

Here is where you become very vulnerable to your spouse. That is why you must trust your spouse before you will ever get to this level. At this level, you share your feelings. You describe yourself from the inside out. You allow your spouse to unconditionally accept you for who you are.

5. Sharing Your Needs

This is the deepest level of emotional intimacy you can reach. This is where you let your spouse know what you need. They will be able to meet some needs. At other times, they will not. Perhaps you have a need to be accepted by your mother. You spouse can't meet that need, but they can certainly sympathize. Sharing your needs shows your insecurities and dependencies, and that is why it can be so difficult to get to this ultimate level of communication.
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